After six months “in the field,” I was beginning to feel like I had nothing new to share. The program evaluation I’ve been working on is still on-going. My days still consist of nine-and-a-half hours in the office. My personal life continues to be less-than-exciting, which is more pronounced than usual on this particular day. So naturally (in my view, anyway) I stopped writing.
The truth is that the last few months have given me unique opportunities to reflect, and perhaps these thoughts, these "little things" that have come to mind, are worth sharing. I’ve thought a lot about nutrition, as you may have noticed from past food-based posts, but even more on my own personal struggles to live a healthy life in this setting. I’ve thought a lot about different organizations – governmental, non-governmental, for-profit, multilateral – and how they all contribute to improving health and development in countries like Malawi. But perhaps more controversially, I’ve thought a lot about the role of race and foreign aid in development work, and how this allows, or prevents, people like me – coming from the outside – to truly make a positive impact on the lives we seek to help.
My first experience with this while in Malawi was within my first month, when a Malawian male acquaintance and I were looking for seating in a public venue. I came in with the cultural expectation (as much as I hate to admit it) that as a female – and a well-educated, slightly senior, and foreign one at that – I would be offered the one remaining seat. Every -ism came to mind when I watched him take the seat and wondered: Is this because he doesn’t like or respect me? Is this a gender issue in a patriarchal society? Is this because I’m black? It’s possible, perhaps likely, that the explanation was simpler; maybe it never occurred to him, or maybe he was never taught any differently. If I were to ask him about the incident today, he probably wouldn’t even remember that such an exchange had occurred. Regardless of intent, the result of the interaction I didn’t quite understand was a hyper-awareness of my foreignness in this culture, and an even more heightened awareness of myself.
I could go on and on with stories and instances that have left me questioning why I was treated one way when I’ve seen someone treated differently in the store, at the bus stop, when seeking community service activities outside of work. And while initially my instinct was to place the blame on myself (“I’m not being culturally-sensitive enough” or “I’m not being assertive enough”) and then on others (“They are purposely treating me different than they would treat someone else in my shoes.”), my thought has evolved.
I recently read an article on How Matters about “Race, power, and international aid,” where a white donor describes her experience of witnessing people in a development setting treated differently based on the color of their skin. And while I leave comments about the article itself aside, it validated my feelings that there may be some truth to how we look and act, and our role in any culture or society, particularly in the world of development. If I wore a suit and high heels every day, would people be more inclined to listen to the suggestions I have in health and development? Or if I always wore “Harvard alumni” gear, would that make what I have to say more valid? And since I will never be a man, and will never be able to change the color of my skin, will that continually push me towards the periphery of the change I hope to make?
My answer right now is that I don’t know. And just because we choose not to talk about it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. So I’ll choose to believe, as the article describes, that if I push myself to ask “What can I do with you” instead of “What can I do for you,” whether in the international world or back home in the U.S., I can find my place in making the change I am driven to make.
I welcome any feedback, comments, and further discussion.
(And stay tuned for another post next week!)
Here is some of the discussion that has been taking place:
ReplyDeleteJennifer Lentfer:
Thanks for sharing a link to this article on how-matters.org. It’s truthfulness and authenticity has really resonated with people. More than the answers, it’s about having the bravery to grapple with the tough questions and I hope sharing Sasha’s example frees others to do the same. Your readers might also find this article interesting, “Aid, Africa, Corruption, and Colonialism: An Honest Conversation”: http://www.how-matters.org/2011/04/22/aid-africa-corruption-colonialism/
Given the tremendous reaction, I’m working on a follow-up piece now. I think indeed the experience of people of color coming from the developed world and working within international aid and philanthropy is also one that should be shared and discussed as well. Suggestions about where we go from here are very welcome.
Yvette:
Jennifer, thanks so much for your comment. I’ve looked at the article and it’s interesting to hear different voices discussing such a heavy issue. I hope other readers will have thoughts on how the development world can move forward. But on a personal level, I think that questioning one’s own motivations, perceptions, and attitudes can help tremendously in finding inner peace in challenging situations! It’s helped me!
More discussion:
ReplyDeleteDr. Robin Chandler:
First, Happy (old world) Valentine’s Day, Yvette. Bravo for raising race and development issues which have been until recently, taboo.The African world, generally, is hospitable, esp. to elder “slightly senior”people (like you). In the case of the specific seating dilemma, you may have been trumped by male privilege/status. Regarding the overall issues of race, self-awareness, and race/gender subjectivities, that’s a long and thorny road. Class issues dominate the development agenda in the form of the entrepreneurial elites who have dominated the industry for 60 yrs. There is a fear/reluctance to confront race in many sectors b/c 1) it’s an uncomfortable topic that requires self-disclosure and intimacy 2) it’s a life-long task 3) most can’t commit to “solutions”, 4) people (esp. Whites) seem to have tired from dealing w. the seemingly intransigent problems assoc. w. culture/race/ethnicity and poverty. Just mention race, anti-racism work, prejudice and discrimination and the air is sucked out of the room. As you bravely remain at your post, I offer these humble thoughts. Step out of your office and join one of the local women’s or community organizations, or attend local religious service orgs. In the end, we are all servants who have the privilege of sharing what we have with others.
Dr. Chandler,
Thank you so much for your comments (and your suggestions)! Please let me clarify that my challenges described here are not in reference to my office. My challenges have been more so when I step into the outside world, where people don’t know my resume and create a stereotype for who I must be based on what they see (this includes an attempt to get involved in a local church). Now, I admit that one’s presentation and one’s personality all factor into how societies have learned to judge and treat a person, and I, unfortunately, can’t say that it’s something I have never done. But it is a difficult reality to swallow – and perhaps a wake up call – to realize that in this line of work, in a field traditionally dominated by white males, this will likely continue to be an issue that challenges me. I would actually love to see not just more opportunity for me but more leadership from local people in their own contexts – such as my organization has done by having all in-country management staff. That is a step in the “right direction.”
The four points you make on reluctance to addressing race reflect several candid discussions I’ve had with people, but what strikes me most is your third point on the lack of commitment towards “solutions.” What do you believe are the solutions? How do we get to the root of norms that have been put in place over several years? And is it possible that the lack of knowing how to proceed prevents people from taking action?
And more discussion...
ReplyDeleteSasha Rabsey:
Yvette, This is a very thoughtful post. One that leaves me thinking. I know this is a little off base but I want to tell you about a wonderful experience I just had in Burkina Faso. I was visiting a grantee who does powerful work around the issues of sexuality and family planning with young girls in nine rural villages. After traveling five hours to meet her there was no fanfare but a warm embrace and she said to me “I have been counting the days until you arrived.” I can’t tell you how great that made me feel because it was so heartfelt and sincere. I understand that putting a visit together for the donor can deplete the grantee of time and resources and therefore I ask to be treated like a colleague but try to be respectful and enjoy whatever comes my way. We immediately jumped in her car and drove two hours into the countryside to visit a rural women’s initiative she had been fostering with the grant I made to her organization. Upon our arrival in the village the women, children and men gathered around the car to greet my grantee with so much warmth, love, and hospitality. The head of the woman’s initiative said to my grantee “I have been waiting days for you to arrive.” They treated my grantee with such respect and were so proud of their accomplishments and their feelings of accountability to her were very obvious. They couldn’t have cared less about this white woman who was along for the ride. Everyone was cordial, warm and welcoming towards me but it was all about my grantee. I was so happy and pleased and felt like I was really able to understand the dynamics and depth of their work because the focus was not on me. This might not work for every site visit but I was glowing after this one. In a way it was about me because in the end I felt great and that is why I do this work. Maybe we can chat about this sometime.
Sasha,
This is not off base at all, and I appreciate you sharing your experience. It is very refreshing to hear about someone in the community taking initiative to improve the situation and the community recognizing that person for all of the work that was done. Of course your ability to grant that funding played a role – which could be another interesting area of discussion – but I’m glad to hear that your grantee was celebrated by the people s/he’s impacted. From my own experiences in Western, Southern, Eastern, and Central Africa, I have seen some significant cultural differences (by region) and I wonder if these play a role. I have always been so moved by the vibrant nature of West Africa – the “teranga” and warmth offered in Senegal, the pride in culture that I’ve seen in Nigeria – and that hasn’t been my experience here. Over the last six months, I’ve seen a country struggling economically, with fuel shortages, foreign currency shortages, and food shortages. I’ve noticed the challenges to building the nation up when sources of income like tobacco and cotton don’t earn as much as the used to. I’ve also learned a lot about the country’s history since the mid-1960s; there has been a tradition of foreign support in development, health, education, you name it, which might contribute to setting the tone for what is viewed as (and who is viewed as providing) “real assistance.” In spite of these challenges, I have been amazed by the positive nature of people here. They don’t complain when things are hard. They always say, “That’s life. It will pass.” They remind me to check my own attitude sometimes. So as I reflect on your story, perhaps directly seeing the fruits of your work contributed to that wonderful experience. And perhaps I would feel differently if I wasn’t immersed in this environment each day, if I had a chance to really step back and reassess before diving in head first. As I go further into what I hope will be a long and rewarding career, I do believe it is important to hear different experiences and challenge one another, so I appreciate your sharing and would love to talk more!
And even more dialogue...
ReplyDeleteSasha Rabsey
I had the “perfect” set up for my visit which is totally different from the way you are operating in Malawi. My experience would have been very different had I been there as an aid worker or peace corp volunteer.
Yvette:
A very true observation, Sasha, and I appreciate your acknowledgement of the visit context as well. Thank you again for sharing your experience.
Robin chandler:
Sasha.’s anecdote re: community workers’ welcoming ‘I’ve been waiting for you’ remark resonates with me. Unless we are a born local, we can never know the crushing triangulation of poverty, no/low access to health care, and food shortages et al. Community workers, remaining at their posts to serve humanity are the real heroes/heroines. Realizing the broad impact that scaled projects (vaccine protocols, malaria nets. Et al) can make, in a rural area, there remain the complex and draining “human terrain” issues that haunt our industry. We can sometimes forget that whatever our learning curve in the field, this is the wonderful gift/price for clawing our way toward peace.