Angry, but in a Good Way

I am angry.* No, not just angry but an angry, Young, African-American, female. What do I mean? Well...

Sometimes, we have to believe at everything happens for a reason to be okay with disappointment and disbelief. That's exactly how I've felt about the physical logistics of getting to Malawi. The plan was to leave at some ungodly hour of Sunday morning, in order to get from New Haven to New York to catch a 6 am flight. But things started to fall apart on Wednesday, when social media (i.e., Facebook) alerted several individuals including myself of "civil unrest" in Malawi. Long story short, there were some organized protests against the current president in major cities including my new home –Lilongwe - but with police involvement, the events became fatal for 18 people. Although the commotion died down within a day, the Fellowship decided that as a precaution, U.S. citizens would stay behind a few more days. Without knowing exactly when we would be leaving, my colleague Emma and I lugged our bags to New York where we eventually made our way to a cozy Upper Eastside apartment and some NYC TLC!

Me and Emma...and all our luggage!

Happy to be on the train from New Haven to NYC.

I tried to get very creative in NY, since I only had (and still have) 2 hands.

Met up with Lindsay, one of my best friends from high school, while in NY! (note: we haven't aged a day since 2001...)

Enjoyed a musical number by three drummers on the train (for you GHC-ers, they were a little better than our Michael Jackson  attempts...)

So why am I angry? There's something about the way we are positioned within social constructs of this world that continually leave some of us feeling targeted. As articulated by Stefancic and Delgado (2001), Critical Race Theory – one framework through which we can understand race, racism, and power -  utilizes the concept of structural racism in explaining power relations in the U.S.  One such component of this is intersectionality, which recognizes that there are several power dynamics for different constructed groups, including by sex and gender, age, race and ethnicity.

So what does this mean in practice? It means that after spending 1 hour buying a brand new TSA-approved carry-on suitcase en route to Malawi, I was furious when I was told that I could not carry bring this suitcase and my backpack with me on the second leg of my journey because it didn't "meet the travel requirements." I would love to believe that I was overreacting, but I cannot tell you how many other travelers carried a similar-sized suitcase or carried 2 bags, including Emma, which was contrary to what the travel agent requested I do. I seemed to be the only one struggling to cram my medicines and “non-checkables” into a non-expanding backpack, as other passengers glanced over to watch me in my misery.

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I may have been a little more emotional than the situation called for, but in the spirit of "leaning into vulnerability," something I was encouraged to practice over the last 2 weeks, I'm going to be very frank. It wasn't the paying another $60 check-in fee for the brand new luggage that I just purchased, and it wasn't the request of checking in my bag. What really angered me was the feeling of loneliness and the realization that I was targeted for one reason or another; it was just me. I was my usual smiley self and made an effort to be friendly to the attendant (perhaps that was my problem?), and I was the one called aside. I have made the lifelong commitment to fighting for social justice for the "less fortunate," but who's going to fight for me? Who will continue to lift me up when on my journey to helping others I'm the one in need of help? Why can’t I be called "ma’am" or "sir" like the other passengers sitting next to me? Who is there for me?

I'm still toying around with answers, and perhaps some of you reading this will have thoughts you'd be willing to share, but what I realize is that being angry can be good. Anger is a sign of passion and a physical manifestation of my commitment to and desire for justice. As Lateefa Simon (one of the orientation speakers) shared with me, it's what you do with that anger that can make difference and positively impact people's lives.

So what was my response to this initially catastrophe? Well, after the feelings of victimization became more manageable, I started downloading all sorts of books - classics, biographies, fiction, non-fiction - so that I can continue to expand my knowledge and understanding of the world we live in now and what I can do to make it better for others AND for myself. I've entered into Malawi with my mind in a very different place, and I think that this can be a very powerful place to be. I may never be President of the U.S., but I can assure you that I am fully committed to making the world - and Ethiopian Airways - better than it is today.

*As a side note, I have arrived safely here in Lilongwe, Malawi and was placed in lovely accommodation at Sunbird Capital, perhaps the finest hotel in the capital. I am enjoying my first day at the office, and hope to update you again soon once I'm situated.  

My beautiful hotel! (it looks quaint but it's actually quite grand)

Me on my bed!

Enjoying the yummy dinner buffet! (have yet to find unidentifiable food...)